Hi, I'm a new member and have registered in the hope of finding a better understanding and hopefully some peace regarding my intimate relationship with my half sister.

I was adopted at birth and met my biological mother and two half sisters 6 years ago (I was 38 at the time). My two half sisters (the eldest was 28 and the youngest was 25) (and no-one else) never knew of my existence. After my mother disclosed and discussed my "re-appearance" with them, we met for the first time in 2006. From the very first moment, there was a very special bond between my eldest half sister and me. Although I dearly love my youngest half sister and we have a great relationship, which is very supportive and loving, we do not have a physical attraction to each other and we do not share the same level of emotional "understanding" that I share with my eldest half sister.

From the first moment on, my eldest half sister and I shared an amazing bond. I live in a different country to them (my mother and two half sisters), but each time we get to see each other, we have an ability to enter each other's souls in an instant, as if we have never been apart. The "connection" between us has always contained an element of physical attraction, but we never acted on it, nor discussed it. In each other's presence, we were however always stunned by the fact that no-one else picked up on it, since it always felt (and still does) like it was almost "tangible".

In 2008, our relationship became sexual and on each trip since then, we have enjoyed the most amazing intimate moments both she and I have ever experienced. First and foremost, we are truly soul mates and we share an acceptance of each other, that neither of us have ever experienced anywhere else. Our physical relationship is not our primary attraction, but flows from the amazing intimacy we share emotionally. If it were possible and because of society's views regarding relationships like these, we'd choose to exist as "just" half brother and sister, but we both understand that we'd be lying to ourselves if we pretended this to be true.

We are both Christians and love our churches and our communities. I don't have a problem with our relationship in view of my relationship with God, but my sister does struggle with it from time to time. We also understand the consequences (perhaps not fully) of our relationship, both in a community and in our family.

We have not shared our relationship with anyone and my hope is to enter into meaningful discussion regarding our situation, so that I may better understand our options. There is so much more to say, but this will do for a start.

I'm afraid of forums. No, more specifically, I'm afraid of interacting with people, and I'm so afraid that it affects me when I'm miles away from people who can't even see me, have never met me, and who probably never will.

It's stupid, I know. It's irrational—I admit it. And here I've been all this time, claiming to be a rational person.

I obsess over the structure of my forum posts. They must flow beautifully, from beginning to end. They must have the appropriate effect, but without exaggeration. I have to apologize for posts that could be too long for some people and could therefore offend them or give them the impression that I believe I'm superior. Sometimes I save my post as a draft on my computer so I can sleep on it and read it again with fresh eyes the next day. If I haven't changed my mind by the morning, I'll at least make some improvements, thankful that I never posted the horrid thing the day before. Finally, when I've completed my "masterpiece", previewed it enough to make me sick, and stared a sufficiently long time at the "submit" button, I hold my breathe and publish it.

I walk away and immediately I feel regret. I feel like an idiot. I think I should have never posted it. Maybe I should have never joined the forum in the first place. I wonder what people think of me. I could have been too direct or too harsh. I could have sounded whiny. Did I stray from the original topic? It must have been too long. Maybe I should edit it. Maybe I should delete it—no, that would look bad. Wait—I can't remember what I posted. Did I post the right version? Did I really say that or did I just think of it? I go back and look.

If nobody responds within a day, fear sets in. I feel like an idiot, but they KNOW I'm an idiot. My reputation is ruined.

If it's a private message, it's not fear that sets in—it's paranoia. If I see they've read my message, there must be a reason for them not responding. I must have offended them. They must be angry. Or maybe I depressed them to the point of suicide. In that case, they're lying somewhere, dead, miles away, and I'm their long-distant murderer. Guilt. Worry. Panic. Sickness.

When were they last online? What was their mood in their last post?

Maybe they just don't like me. Maybe I've made a fool of myself. Maybe they're purposely ignoring me. Maybe they're don't have time to respond to me because they're too busy telling their friends about the idiot they met online.

Maybe I should delete my account. Maybe I should never talk to anyone—EVER.

Hi...I'm new here. I'm the mother of a 17 year-old boy with Aspergers, Bipolar, ADHD and OCD.

He's always been challenging, but in the past month, he's destroyed a kitchen table, bookshelf, the door to my bedroom, my kitchen window, and smashed the touchscreen of his phone, all in fits of rage.

His psychiatrist has been trying to change medications to see what works best (Seroquel 200mg at bedtime, and Effexor 75mg + 37.5), but daily, something happens.

I never thought I would feel or say this, but I'm at my wit's end. I love my son, but I want my own mental health back.

I know I haven't given much to go on, but does anyone have ANY suggestions for me to help my son avoid these rages? Anything will set him off, literally. I'm just frustrated and sad.

evol

Hello-
I think I have a case of or at least have some form of ocd.
I always have TONS of anxiety and thoughts I find unacceptable.
I think someone is always watching me. I have realistic thoughts someone or something is chasing me when I am by myself. I HATE odd numbers, I think they signify bad luck or that something bad will happen. I have to run past windows, because I think there is someone watching me or there are (and I know this sounds weird) but I think there is a sniper on a nearby building waiting for me. I don't need things to be spotless, but I like a room after I clean it up. I can usually resist the urge to make something even or straightened out. I have an obsession with numbers. I have a 32 page long list of numbers I HAVE to write down. I took a few ocd tests on the internet and it said 12+ means you most likely have ocd. I got 28 and 26 both times. I don't think that would prove it though. I am only a teenager, so I cannot go to a therapist.

Aside from all of that, my parents think I am faking, they say I need attention, so I fake a mental condition. (Don't get me wrong, though they are GREAT parents.) I love them both.
I have known that there has been "something wrong with me" Ever since I was about 8 years old.
I did not know why I had to add addresses on houses in some weird way to make them even. But, I finally found out what ocd was almost 2 years ago. I saw on a tv show and that is why my parents think I am faking it. "Just because you need attention, you act like a character on tv."
I have thought about going to my school Councillor, but my mom works at the school I go to. And she would be the first one to know why I was there. And It makes me feel almost sick for days when she tells me I fake ocd. I think I am a horrible person and it is all in my head. Then I say to myself, you are not faking it, you know something is wrong with you.

During health, I learned about ocd. my friend showed the teacher my list of numbers, and she called my mom. To punish myself, I went to the sink and burnt my hands.

My friends always tease me about having ocd, and i don't always mind it. I'll laugh with them, (most of the time.) Because I know that that is how they joke around with me. I attend church regularly, and I thought by reading the scriptures, these thoughts would go away. As I read them, I thought about all the mistakes I have made. I thought god hated me, and I thought I was going to hell for sure when I died. I always think about blasphemy, and have thoughts in my head about cursing the lord.

Also my grandma has SEVERE ocd, and I think my dad may have a bit of ocd, too.
Is it possible I could have been born with these habits? Or did I acquire them?

Sorry for this being so long I guess what I need to know is, Do you think I have ocd, and what do you think I should do?
Thank you.

I am Hartlepool_lad, I have tried to type my experience on the blog about seven or eight times but each time I have erased it, the abusive voice in my head yells at me that no one is interested in my story and that I am alone, pathetic and other words that have been planted in my mind which I don't wish to reveal at the moment.

My systematic mental and physical destruction was to start almost immediately, I couldn't call or meet friends I had to explain where I'd been why I'd had to go there and what I had been doing while there and who had I spoken to, my phone and internet were checked as were my texts and e-mails. Bank account details were demanded and checked almost daily and a reason had to be forthcoming if I had withdrawn money, receipts were checked if I had paid for anything with my card, I was cut off from contacting family as she would put it “this is the only family that matters to you now” this was being constantly shored up with abuse of the type that I was crap at what I do, a useless person and painful insults that I can only shudder at now, I was verbally abused everyday, physically abused every day, I have been beaten, punched, kicked, humiliated, stabbed, had buckets of hot bleach thrown over me her aggression hightened if the house wasn't clean enough the dish washer hadn't been emptied or the ironing hadn't been done exactly how she wanted, constant accusations of infidelity, squandering money, being a useless person.

Then the torture of previous relationships started, I was given full and frank details of all the one night stands she'd had, I was informed by an ex friend of hers that she'd had threesomes and multiple encounters in one weekend.

She would regale me with the sordid details of these encounters and once estimated she'd had in excess of two hundred that she could remember and not counting the drunken one night stands she couldn't, all the while telling me that I was worthless, useless, a crap person etc.

It all came to a head in September 2005 when after months and years of such brutal torment the stress levels had reached such levels that my brain shut down for three days, I didn't know who I was, anything about myself, what I did for a job, my past anything.

I was diagnosed with P.T.S.D. Dissociative Amnesia, severe depression, social phobia and I have lost everything, my memories of my life are just shadows, the event is, as always right at the front of my eyes, she still haunts my mind and still continues to influence me inside my head, I have no respite.

Hartlepool_lad.